got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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