also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
