But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
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We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
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I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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