you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
