i just wanna soil my oats bro
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
