I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
