I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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