I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
