i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
