Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
