dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize