rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize