i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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