I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize