I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
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i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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