What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
So vagazzling was a success
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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