I want to have your abortion
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
