who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
