I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize