she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
