im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
