ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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