I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
