I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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