in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
