i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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