It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Randomize
