two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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