So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
this will be a night to untag.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Randomize
