I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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