I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
