Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
