I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
There r osticjed everywhere
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
