You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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