Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
