dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
My ATM looks so different sober.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
