There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Can't talk, ducks in the car
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
