Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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