but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
