I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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