We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
