So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
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