I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
