thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
