We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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