He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
