I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
