I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
