Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
