Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Randomize
