Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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