I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can vaginas get frostbite?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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