The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Small penises have feelings too.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
