I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
