Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
