I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
