guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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