Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
