btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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